Challenged To The Core - Kathi Brixey

Life can become so busy. We quite often have too much on our plates, while seldom enough hours in our days, don’t you agree? What tends to happen is that we start forgetting things. Usually its small things at first but it can lead to bigger things when we are over scheduled. I have noticed in my own life that as I get older forgetting things happens more often. Just this week I planned for our daughter to come up for her birthday and spend the day. When she got here I totally forgot for at least an hour to wish her a happy birthday. When planning the day I had even forgotten that it was also the day that Del and I had a speaking engagement on that same morning. Everything worked out fine for the day but my point is that we can forget things that are important. Why is it then that we have trouble forgetting an offence or a hurtful situation whether it was intentional or not? We may even forgive the incident but can’t get past the forgetting. This is very common when we start dealing with our children. Our children are going to be disobedient, rambunctious, curios, etc.; this will cause them to do things you might never imagine. In most cases forgiveness comes quickly and completely, when dealing with our children however forgetting sticks around. As Christians we are taught that if we ask God for forgiveness with a repentant heart He hears us and forgives. He also says that sin is wiped from His memory. God expects us to learn from our mistakes, but sometimes it takes us many repetitions to get it right. We are so blessed that each time God gives us grace. He models for us as parents, forgiveness and forgetting.

In Proverbs 10:7 it says “The memory of the righteous will be a blessing, but the name of the wicked will rot.” When your children are older and are looking back at their childhood, will they remember a parent that was forgiving or one that constantly brought up their past indiscretions? How do you want to be remembered? It is a simple question really, but one that can and should shape the way you deal with your children on a daily basis. Now I am not suggesting that you become your child’s best friend, that would be a disaster. Children need a parent when growing up not a buddy. What I am suggesting is that when you deal with your children that you are conscious of what they are hearing and seeing from you. Once it comes out of your mouth you can’t take it back. You can do more harm in a split second with a harsh word or statement than you can imagine. Even after apologizing the words are still out there! When we discipline our children it should be with a level head that is not in the “moment of anger”, and we should start with encouragement and understanding not frustration and disappointment. If you want to see huge changes in your children’s behavior, use positive re-enforcement not negative rehashing of old transgressions. Where would we be if our heavenly Father handled us with the negative and didn’t forget our transgressions?

We are forgiven even when we don’t deserve it. That’s how we need to respond to our children. Forgiveness and forgetting doesn’t equal condoning. In Luke 6:36 it says, “Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.” Remember when I said that God models for us, well here is another great example? Every day our heavenly Father shows us mercy and grace. That’s what salvation is all about. I know that it is not easy to forget the things that our children do in disobedience, especially when they do it on purpose, but as you practice the forgetting part it will get easier. Please remember that you are the tangible part of God for your children. You understand far more about faith than they do, you can show them who God is and His mercy and grace just by imitating Him.

What an honor and privilege to be a parent. With that privilege comes the responsibility of raising adults who know, love, and serve God. We should never take parenting lightly, it is the hardest thing you will ever do and the most rewarding! As you check your pulse this week, pray for wisdom and the ability to forget after you forgive the wrongs. Look for areas to encourage your children and never let the day end without telling your children that you love them!! Be vigilant in learning to be forgetful, the good kind of forgetting!