Challenged To The Core - Kathi Brixey

We live in a fast food society. Everything that comes our way is expected to take less time and do more for us. We are raising a generation of adults who want it their way and want it right now. The commercials over emphasize this self-centered idea as do most forms of the media. I am amazed daily how “me” oriented the world has become. There is an entire country starving to death due to a recent tsunami because their government is afraid that they will be taken over by those who only wish to help the injured and hungry. Officials are running a government that is centered on the men in charge rather than the needs of their people. Parents today can fall into a similar trap. We would like our children to be seen and not heard, to be as perfect and well rounded as possible. We expose our children to sports, scouting, special academia, even church functions that other people teach. However, when there are problems in behavior or worse we either don’t understand why or won’t accept that it is happening. Parents will sometimes substitute the best things that are available for quality time with their children. From the parents perspective they can boast when their children are doing well, but when faced with the alternative it is someone else’s fault because “they didn’t teach them that.” Parenting is an interactive, life-changing commitment. Where is it written that raising children would be easy? Children don’t come into this world pre-programmed to be perfect, only through their relationship in Christ can they learn to strive towards goals of becoming Christ-like. Even parents who “get it” expect that once they tell their children something or discipline them once or twice that they are finished. There is “no quick fix” in this event called life. Everything worth having takes time and perseverance.

Reading on in James 1 verse 5, it says “Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” We all know that trials will come in raising our children, even when they are adults we can’t protect them from life. We can however teach them and model for them where and who to run to when a crisis comes. Repetition is a great teacher; ask anyone who works with children. There are two parts to repetition, one part is that of the teacher instructing over and over again, it can get old. Then there is the one being instructed, feeling like they may never understand, but then finally learning and putting the lesson into practice. What good is knowledge if you don’t use it? You forget it! Well, the same is true for children, but the delightful thing about children is that they are just that, children and can learn again. If you feel tired and are tired of hitting your head against a brick wall read Ephesians 5: 15-17, “Be very careful then how you live, not unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.” When we make the decision to be a parent, either through the traditional way or through adoption, or other forms, we agree with the Lord to do it the best we can. Some of us however step into parenting thinking that we will just take it a day at a time with no fore thought or plan. Our children are watching everything we do to see if our actions match what we say. We need to be intentional in making sure that our walk matches our talk and is in alignment with the Lord’s will for our family. It’s also a great idea to come up with ways for your children to be able to practice what they are learning.

Children will make mistakes and be disobedient, that’s a given. They are children and just like us sometimes they will make the same mistake over and over again. Sometimes they will even realize they are making a mistake and offer some pretty crazy excuses for why. At that moment the best thing to do might be to just laugh. Laughter can heal wounds and reconnect bridges that have been broken. Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4 says it best. “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven…a time to weep and a time laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,” When was the last time you just laughed or perhaps even danced with your children? I have many happy memories over the years of laughing at the things our children did and at myself for being too serious at times. Thank goodness there is grace. Keep in mind that your children are people too. They are God’s children and a special gift to you from Him. Problems will come so expect them, life is a great teacher and your children are exploring everyday to see what’s beyond the next bend in the road.

Finally, please remember that, you will make mistakes in parenting, you’re not perfect, and no one is except Christ. So don’t give up if something doesn’t work the first time. Try, try again or change things slightly to make it more appropriate for that individual child. Each child may need the approach modified for them even though the rules of the home remain the same. Each of your children, if you have more than one, has a different personality and different currency if you will. So your approach must be slightly different. Currency is what is important to them; things that can be used for reward or to be taken away as a consequence. As a parent you must make a commitment to remain consistent in discipline and to God’s truth, both in your life and theirs. God chose you to be your child’s parent. He knows that your children/child need the gifts and love that you bring to the table. There may be times as your child grows up that you will be either the smartest or dumbest person in their life, but take heart it all turns out “ok” in the end. Romans 8:28 is a great scripture to remember, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose.”

There really is “no quick fix” when it comes to parenting so check your pulse this week and see if you can find areas to change your approach, become more consistent, and dance with or for your children. If nothing else, you’ll both get a big laugh out of the dancing and we all know that laughter can restore bridges and heal wounds! Have a joyous week!