August 25, 2009
 
Wordsmiths carefully craft speeches for politicians or celebrities so that their client’s image is not tarnished by an “off-the-cuff” remark. President Obama is so concerned about this phenomenon that he delivers almost every one of his public addresses from a teleprompter. Whether you voted for him or not, no one can blame him for being cautious because the stakes are so high. Monday morning “talk show” quarterbacks are going to parse every word in an effort to discredit his image or his message to further their own cause. Every word is critical because they transport the “message”. As Christians we need to choose our words just as carefully, but for a different reason. We are not just transporting a “message” to people; we are “entrusting” God’s truth to “reliable men” and women whose lives will be transformed. In turn they will be sharing that same truth to future generations. Our mission at Challenged to the Core is to “entrust” couples with Biblical principles and strategies that will strengthen and protect their marriages. We don’t take this responsibility lightly, because so many lives are at stake. Divorce or unhappy marriages inflict a lot of pain in people’s lives; pain that cannot be healed with band-aids and a couple of aspirins.
 
Our strategy is three fold; our first step is to train “apprentices” who are seeking to get married, now or in the future. You are probably more familiar with the term “pre-marital” counseling. For whatever reason, “first-timers” are not getting the training they need before they take the plunge. The second step is to provide “on-the-job” training for couples who are already married but want to improve the quality of their marriage. Even if these couples went through an apprenticeship, they have now experienced the nitty-gritty of married life and are seeking answers to more specific questions. Our last step is to encourage “journeymen”, those who have been married for a long time. These couples are in a different stage of life with its own unique set of challenges; empty nests, rusted romance and hard decisions such as the care for their aging parents. Growing old without growing apart does take some work, but it’s not impossible for those who are committed to facing it together. Today, I want to share a few thoughts about step “one”; an apprenticeship before the vows for couples considering marriage.         
 
Own it…
The average person spends more time researching the “pros” and “cons” of buying a home or a new car than they do in preparing for the second most important relationship in their life; their marriage. Couples may agree to pre-marital counseling, but often times they are really just going through the motions. They do not really “own it”. Some couples have come back to us at a later date, earnestly wanting help to overcome their problems they didn’t deal with before they tied the knot. They have confided in us that they had their minds made up and nobody could have stopped them from going through with the marriage. But a “marriage apprentice” on the other hand, is someone who puts in the time and effort to learn about marriage, they are prepared to make an “informed” decision about their readiness to commit their lives to another person who will become their lifelong partner. They understand the importance of finding a spouse who they can depend upon when life takes its unpredictable twists and turns. When they “own it”, they are committed to finding out the right answers, the right person and the right training that will equip them for the endeavor. Apprentices do their homework before they plan a wedding, so they are able to back out with grace and dignity if necessary. It’s very difficult when people start planning their wedding before they get counseling. With so much money on the line it becomes difficult to call things off. However, any money that may be lost is far cheaper and less painful than making the wrong decision.  
 
Need it…
In almost every career, there is a learning curve or educational process that you must go through to be equipped to handle the complexities of your ultimate job. If we don’t think we “need it”, referring to the training involved, we are either naïve at best or just downright foolish. Who wants to fly on an airplane with a pilot who didn’t think that flight school was important or have a doctor perform open heart surgery on them if they have never been to medical school? As foolish as these examples may sound, they are no more foolish than a person refusing to get counseling or training before they get married. I have heard almost every argument imaginable over the years, from “I’m a very private person” to “It’s none of your ‘blankety-blank’ business”. A refusal by either person to get training is a big red flag, in whatever form or fashion it is being displayed. If you or your fiancée are voicing this “sentiment”, you should back up before it’s too late.  
   
Embrace it...
Have you ever purchased a new entertainment system or a fancy electronic gadget? We get all excited until we have to figure out how to program everything.  After awhile our frustration level is so high that we stop trying to access all of the “bells and whistles” that the salesperson convinced us that we needed because we can’t understand the directions. The same is true with any marriage training, regardless of where it’s obtained. If we don’t “embrace” the wisdom that is “entrusted” to us, we end up doing things the hard way. We go back to doing what we do best. Unfortunately, what we do “naturally” or “best” are probably just as destructive as doing nothing, although doing nothing is often what we do best! We need to “embrace” what we have been taught by putting it into practice. Will it solve every problem that you encounter, probably not, but you have other resources available to you as well; the Bible, the Holy Spirit, your pastor, or some other trained professional. By embracing it, you dramatically increase the probability that your marriage will be a success instead of a statistic.    
 
Let’s face it; nobody wants to start at the bottom. But if we want to succeed in an area in which over 50% of Christians and non-Christians are failing at, we need to get appropriate training. If you are married, ask yourself this question as you check your pulse, “Did we get the training we needed?” Chances are, you might be doing just fine, but take a moment to ask your spouse the same question. If you are not married, but thinking about it, consider getting wise spiritually based counseling, but promise yourself and your fiancée that you will “own it, need it and embrace it” before you begin. One last request, many of you have sons and daughters, nieces and nephews or perhaps you just know some young people who are contemplating marriage. Do them a big favor; persuade them with every ounce of passion that you have within you to enter a marriage apprenticeship program; offer to pay for it if you need to. Remember, if they get married that “one” step before the vows could literally change their life.    
 
Del Brixey
“Entrusting the Truth”
 
CHALLENGED TO THE CORE
P.O. BOX 414
LAKE ARROWHEAD, CA 92352-0414
 
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